“I had depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. I had a tendency to avoid contact and stay isolated, which only intensified my condition. GROW is an invaluable source of support for me, helping me get my mind off myself and to grow in self-acceptance and confidence and in active concern for others.” David
“What made me return to GROW for a second week was knowing that I'd found a haven where I could be with people who understood me and didn't criticise me or judge me. I felt safe.” Jo
“I still don't know how or why changing little things about myself has made me well. But why should I worry about how or why? I may not know how the changing works, but I do know that my life used to be a hellish misery and now I am well and happy.” Carmen
“Instead of my life being finished it was really just beginning. The others in the group believed in me so I was able to begin to believe in myself. Where there was darkness and despair, GROW gave me a way through.” Joe
PERSONAL TESTIMONY OF RECOVERY(Elaina, April 2005)
“Life had always been sad for me even as a child. We all suffered at the hands of an abusive father. There was very little to smile about and I would retreat into a world of silence. I used school as an escape and was a high achiever. I did not make friends but I was happy enough in my work as a student. I learned to isolate early as I buried my head in books.
I went on to University where I still found it difficult to socialize and make friends. I had no idea what I was going to do after my degree. My life did not really take on any meaning until I met my husband. I also started teaching high school the same year I met him. Life seemed to be taking a turn for the better. I had two vocations: my marriage and my career.
I loved my job and felt like I belonged to a community. With my teaching and my marriage I had two stable things in my life but I still could not shake a feeling of sadness. My husband noticed and encouraged me at all times.
Unfortunately, he died at the age of 30. I came home from school one day to find him dead of a heart attack. Driving in the ambulance I knew there was no hope. I was in a daze. I think that was when my head and my heart just broke. I just seemed to have lost something that kept me together.
I threw myself into my teaching. It became my whole focus. Life was black and terribly sad but I kept on going. I even moved inter state: in fact I moved 15 times in 10 years. I knew I was getting worse when I resigned from teaching after bursting into tears in a classroom. I ended up in a foetal position at home.
A priest suggested that I see a Doctor and so my deep depression was first diagnosed and I was treated with drugs. I was put on a calmative and anti-depressants. I had massive mood swings to deal with and I ended up in bed for 3 months. I thought that nothing worse could happen. I had not heard of GROW and managed with the support of family to go back to teaching.
I managed to appear confident and in control for some time. I put the death of my husband behind me and devoted myself once again to teaching. The thing is that I felt like I was walking in a dream and I did that until I ended up in the psychiatric ward after trying to cut both wrists. I was consequently diagnosed as depressed and schizophrenic.
My mother had done her very best to keep me confident and focused but came the day when I lost total control and tried to kill myself many times. I lost my entire reality. The last thread: my career was gone. I had nowhere to turn: not even God. I was in the psych ward 11 times before I decided that enough was enough. I had no plan for the future but I felt deeply ashamed at hurting myself and my family.
Somehow in my heavily drugged state I remember two (2) people coming from GROW to present a talk. They spoke about the group and how it could help. I held on to their pamphlet and one Thursday night in the rain and with 2 bandaged wrists I drove to my first GROW meeting. My first impression was that they all seemed so happy ………
Laughing and talking like old friends. I must have looked shocked because they asked “Do we look that bad?” I sat down scared but curious …..
The GROW group first gave me a piece of program that stated “I am maladjusted and inadequate to life”. I was indignant. I had been in control……marriage, a career…..a life. It took me a whole year to understand this basic GROW statement. I realized that I had not been adequate or coping: that I had a lot of maladjustment. Strangely those basic admissions were quite freeing for me. I could let go of the past and move forward with GROW’s help.
I now had a “Blue Book” (Program of Growth to Maturity) filled with program that spelt out clear directions on life skills. I started to realize that I could get better and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Indeed I was more “durable than vulnerable”. I learned about personal value “….That no matter how bad my physical, mental, social or spiritual condition I am always a human person loved by God and a connecting link between persons…..”
GROW became a focal point in my life. Each week I attend a meeting whether I feel like it or not. Why? Because there are people there who care: who understand and because they have walked their own hard paths to being adjusted. It’s like a big family where everyone knows your name and I felt accepted as I am.
Now I have a guide to life. With GROW’s 12 step program to maturity I now have 4 stabilizing questions: Be definite….. Be Rational….. Be Wise….. Be practical. That is, whenever I am emotionally upset I ask myself: What exactly am I troubled about? Is it certain, probable or only possible? How important is it? And What shall I do about it?
The GROW Blue Book of program gives me a guide and prompts questions at he same time. It’s been 5 years since my breakdown and it’s been 5 years since I’ve been in GROW. That says something. It says that GROW is a vital, living participation function in my life.
It’s been an exciting journey. Now I have attended 5 years I can see my own growth. I no longer come to the group in tears or become a nervous wreck when asked to do something for GROW such as a presentation of my personal testimony to a group of professionals. I have been a Recorder for the group which is like a toll taker at the end of each meeting and I have been an Organiser where I facilitated the group each week for 2 yeas. I have met new friends and they are only a phone call away. The support I get from GROW is tangible. From GROW I have the know-how for avoiding and recovering from a breakdown, and the Program is presented in the language and the level of the ordinary person.
GROW is a “School of Adult Mental Health Education working through mutual self-help groups” for people like me. I suffered a mental decline but now thanks to GROW I have been rehabilitated and I have recovered. I am now at a different and exciting stage of life.
I am more confident, stronger and able to take life risks. I am able to deal with problems as they arise. I am able to communicate with others and my family. I am involved with GROW and living life to the fullest. The reality of the GROW program has saved me from getting really sick again. I have”…..firmly resolved to get well and co-operate with the help I need”. I am developing more fully as a person ad I am now living “…..one day at a time”. I am learning to think more by reason rather than by feelings and imagination.”
GROW is a mental health support network. It is filled with generous supportive people who help those who aren’t coping with life. I am grateful for what GROW has done for me. I can now lead an ordinary good life and the “…..best in life, love and happiness….” is ahead of me.”
Elaina, April 2005